PREMIER MOVIE REVIEWS - House of Wax (2005)

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House of Wax (2005)

Genre: Horror

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra

Certificate: House of Wax was rated 16 by the Irish Film Censor's Office (www.ifco.ie) i.e. suitable for those of 16 years of age or upwards.

Violence = strong. Drugs = none. Sex/Nudity = mild. Language = strong.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE: House of Wax

  Review

How much longer are we going to be subjected to these ridiculous remakes of classic films?  I am so glad I never made it to the cinema to see this, the DVD watch was painful enough, and so far removed from the original classic starring Vincent Price it's an insult.  Usual formula - six friends become stranded in an eerie ghost town where a large waxworks museum dominates the landscape.  And of course there are two brothers living in there with a few surprises in store for the hapless idiotic teens.

House of Wax
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Paris Hilton puts an appearance in as Paige Edwards, but it's difficult to tell her from the dummies at times… she gets down to some red lacy underwear, looks ornamental, but that's about it.  I wouldn't say her performance was wooden but you kind of get the idea the director is shouting from the sidelines during the waxwork scenes, “Keep moving kid they're stock taking”.

There is a scene played out in an abandoned cinema where a film is running on screen and we see Bette Davis in ‘Whatever Happened to Baby Jane’ and she steals the show when she sings, “I'm writing a letter to Daddy”…  No doubt the contents of which read something like “Get me the hell out of this picture Pa”!

Of course the race is on for the group to find a way out of town before they too become permanent exhibits, when they soon come to realize that the whole town and all its folks has been made out of wax by the murdering Candlestick Brothers!

I'll leave you with two classic quotes from Ms Hilton that sums the whole thing up -

  • Paige Edwards: “It's not moving”… (No and neither are your lips darling!)

  • Paige Edwards: “Lip balm. I dropped my stupid lip balm”… (Yes dear…)

Buy this and keep it for a power cut… save on candles and burn the DVD instead… In a word - Dire!

Reviewed by Mary Kate, Premier Movie Reviews 2007.

RELATED MOVIE REVIEWS:  ELISHA CUTHBERT: Love Actually.  CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY: Freaky Friday.  BRIAN VAN HOLT: Black Hawk Down,  Confidence,  S.W.A.T.  JARED PADALECKI: Flight Of The Phoenix.  JON ABRAHAMS: Meet The Parents.

Main Cast

Elisha Cuthbert

Chad Michael Murray

Brian Van Holt

Paris Hilton

Jared Padalecki

Jon Abrahams

RATING

To be Avoided !

LamE  ducK !

THE LAME DUCKS

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